Let me get this off my chest.

'It's probably just a cyst.''I'm sure it will be completely benign.''If it turns out the cancer is invasive.'In case you require chemotherapy.''In the unlikely event that the CT scan shows cancer in other organs...'Yadda yadda yadda. Will someone give me a straight answer, for fuck's sake? At the hospital this afternoon (drainage session two) I backed Smiley Surgeon and Always-Right Cancer Nurse

Let me get this off my chest.

By: Unknown on: 14:58

Too few to mention?

I've been having a recurring dream. And, let me tell you, it's a welcome change to my usual one where I have to wait ages in the toilet queue of a busy club, only to find when I get to the front that the only available cubicle has no door, so everyone has to watch me having a wee. But I digress. In the recurring dream of the moment, each night a different boy hears from someone that I've got

Too few to mention?

By: Unknown on: 04:14

Magazine of the year, eh?

I'm really fucking pissed off with Grazia. And I'll tell you for why. (Thanks Bryn.)1. For assuming that I have £1,095 to spend on Halston boots (not to mention the necessary pencil-like calves).2. For its lazy celebrity reporting, all of which I can read on Perez Hilton (or hear from my friend Ant) before Grazia hits the newsstands. 3. For bagging brilliant TV columnist Paul Flynn and homes

Magazine of the year, eh?

By: Unknown on: 04:39

Sorry, Clinique.

Why has it taken all of this to make me realise that no make up = good skin?Dammit. That proves it, then: Mum is always right. (Well, apart from the time she tried to convince me that Gok Wan is straight.)

Sorry, Clinique.

By: Unknown on: 02:09

The no-kids clause.

Smiley Surgeon and Always-Right Cancer nurse were on good form today. They're right on my wavelength that, whatever news they have to deliver, it can't be worse than what they told me three weeks ago. Hence, they're always very chipper and matter-of-fact, and keen to talk tennis before cancer. There was a great moment today when my dressings came off for the first time, and we were all able to

The no-kids clause.

By: Unknown on: 13:50

Save Ferris.

My postie rang the doorbell again this morning, as she has done every day since people started hearing about The Bullshit. I joked with my surgeon that breast cancer has so far felt like having a Groundhog Day birthday, complete with breakfast in bed, cards, calls, letters, gifts, flowers, vouchers, cakes, visitors, chocolates, drawings from kids and a seahorse-shaped helium balloon. A mate of

Save Ferris.

By: Unknown on: 10:32

Hello boys.

Nobody ever enjoyed ill health (in particular the attention it brings) quite like my Grandad. After he had a double heart bypass, he spent the subsequent few years sitting in his chair breathing loudly, hand placed purposefully over his heart, just itching for someone to acknowledge it.



After my diagnosis, I joked that perhaps I could attract the same kind of attention by sitting with my hand

Hello boys.

By: Unknown on: 15:02